A book that made me think about how rarely we actually reach out

Book recommendations – A Little More Social

Book tips from Soft Sunday — the day of the soft, the nourishing, the human.

A Little More Social

Nicholas Epley · 2026

Psychology Wellbeing Connection

I follow Angela Duckworth on LinkedIn. You know — the one who wrote Grit, the professor at Penn who researches endurance and performance. I follow her because she shares things that are actually worth thinking about.

Some time ago she posted a post with this book in her hands and the text: ”"I love this book. It might change your life."”

These are not words Angela Duckworth throws out. I bought the book the same day.

Angela Duckworth about the book

She describes it as a manifesto for our time — a book that explains why so many of us replace real conversations with writing, community with solitude, and deep encounters with one-way communication in streams. Well-written, carefully crafted, and deeply honest. A masterclass in social connection.

Nicholas Epley is a behavioral scientist at the University of Chicago and has spent decades researching how we actually function socially. Not how we believe that we function — but not how we really do.

And it turns out we're really bad at it.

We are the most social species there is — and yet we choose to avoid contact over and over again. Not because we don't want it. But because we believe we are not good enough, that the other person doesn't want it, that it's too strange, too late, too unnecessary.

Epley shows, with research behind it, that we consistently underestimate the effect of say hello. Of actually having a conversation. Of hearing from someone we've been thinking about. We think it's embarrassing, unwelcome, too much. It almost never is.

What struck me was how the book describes what we choose instead. Social media. Text messaging. One-to-many communication — that is, exactly what I do every day when I post. It's not wrong. But it's not the same thing. It doesn't replace the real meeting, face to face, voice to voice, presence to presence.

I thought about how many times I've put down my phone and felt a little more empty despite scrolling for an hour. And how a single real conversation with a friend, or even a stranger at a boat show, can fill me up in a way that's unlike anything else.

It's not a book about being an extrovert. It's not about partying or becoming a social butterfly. Introverts and extroverts both feel better with a little more contact. It's scientific. It's not an opinion.

It's about the small choices. The small conversation with the cashier. Actually calling instead of texting. Sitting at the table next to someone instead of staring at your phone on the train. Epley shows time and time again that these micro-choices have a disproportionate effect on our happiness, our health — even how long we live.

I read parts of it on a Soft Sunday with a glass of warm water with lemon in my hand and Noa jumping up on my lap. And I thought: this is exactly what this day is about. Not performance. Not production. But the soft. The human. What actually carries us.

The book is called A Little More Social and is available to order now. Read it. Give it to someone you care about. And — perhaps most importantly — reach out to that person you've been thinking about but haven't heard from.

♡

Is there anyone you've been thinking about in the last week that you haven't heard from?
What's holding you back?

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